When Things go Sideways
The psychological pioneer Alfred Adler said that human beings are drawn to a final fiction. I like to think of this as the narrative of our lives Each of us has a story in mind of what our life may be like. Often though, life does not go straight ahead on the pathway. Sometimes something happens and things go sideways.
The Reverend Doctor Sam Matthews served many years as the Senior Pastor at First United Methodist Church of Marietta. Many times, he preached that all of us are “just one phone call” away from our lives being turned upside down. It could be a call from the doctor’s office that the tests came back positive. It could be a call that someone has lost a job or did not get into the school of their choice, or a call that a loved one has died. Many things can happen that disrupt our lives.
In my own life, a friend in our Sunday School class died from heart failure. She was under 50 and left two teenaged children and a grieving husband and community. Their lives had not gone as she or her family planned. Dr. Matthews delivered the eulogy at her funeral. He charged the young man and young woman who lost their mother to live a story that would make their mother proud instead of taking this brutal blow as an excuse to just exist. It was a powerful moment in a silent sanctuary.
When things go sideways, when the story gets off track, we often try to force the world back to our will. That would fit in the denial and bargaining parts of grief. And grief it is. Sideways is also usually the death of a dream. The road is no longer leading where we thought it was. Going through the grief of it is part of adjusting to the new path. Figuring out the new story, the new map takes time. And it takes letting go of the path to our final destination. As trite as it sounds, if we hang on to a sense of control of the uncontrollable, we will be unable to look for alternatives.
People have many stories of when their lives went sideways, and now, down their new path, they can see it was a good thing. Had their stories not changed, often they would have seen that as a good thing, as well. The challenge we face is to make fresh meanings of our lives and write the new story of the sideways path. The moment things go off track, it is difficult to see the new way forward. It takes time. In the long run, though, the words of Dr. Matthews ring true, we get to choose how we respond to events, and we can make a difference in our lives.
There are lots of ways in which our path must zig and zag. I encourage you to use those opportunities to practice letting go of the old path and creating a new one. It will help you prepare for that phone call when it comes.
Bryan is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and National Certified Counselor (NCC). He has been licensed since June 2000. He is also involved in training new therapists as a Certified Professional Counselor Supervisor (CPCS) since 2011. He earned his Bachelor of Science in 1992 from Florida Tech, and his Master of Arts in Psychology from the Georgia School of Professional Psychology in 1996. Bryan started as a case manager before becoming a therapist, working in community behavioral health, where he practiced as part of a multidisciplinary team consisting of other therapists, case managers, nurses, and doctors. It was in this environment where he learned to treat the large variety of issues brought to the clinic by a diverse population. Bryan currently has a private practice in Marietta Georgia, seeing adults.
