One of my favorite stories of leadership comes from seeing my wife in action as a 1st Lieutenant in the Army. She had shared stories of her drill weekends and annual training, but, humble as she is, Linda did not talk much about her own great work.
This time, as a spouse of an officer, I was there to witness it up close and personal at the reserve unit’s annual “Blue and Gold” ball. After chatting with other officers in her unit I turned around just in time to see a young soldier walking toward Linda with a friend in tow.
“LT! LT!“ he said, using the affectionate term for his commanding officer, “We need to ask you a question.” Linda told them to go ahead. With prodding, the young specialist who had been dragged up started on his story. “Well, LT, I am on the Color Guard. I have my shirt attached to my socks with suspenders to keep it tucked it. He says I have to change shirts. Do I have to?”
Now let me pause to say that the rules on uniform for the Color Guard were for a Class A white shirt. He was clearly wearing his Class A green shirt. His friend had already told him he needed to change shirts and was now enlisting Linda for help. I know that I would have barked at the young man and told him to go change his shirt. But that is not what Linda did.
I watched in awe as she cocked her head to the side with a thoughtful look and said, “Now, what do the regulations say about Color Guard Dress?” The young man braced to attention, his face serious, and answered, “Yes, Ma’am, I will change my shirt.” Then he moved with haste before the Ball started. His friend offered a “Thanks, LT” and walked away in victory.
I was struck dumb, amazed at how deftly Linda had managed the situation. She did not utter anything that sounded like an order. She just asked a question. Without giving any instructions, she had led the young man to the right conclusion. I would have told him to change his shirt, and maybe even chewed him out for making me tell him what he knew he was supposed to do. Instead, Linda did not damage his dignity, improving her relationship with him, and did not harm his relationship with the friend who escorted him to Linda’s side.
Everyone won, and no one was called out as being wrong.
I learned a critical lesson on leadership that evening, straight from someone in command: Coach instead of Command. Both may get the same short-term results, but Coaching will build towards better results in the future.
Thanks, LT.
Bryan G. Stephens is a former executive on a mission to transform the workplace. He is the founder and CEO of TalkForward, a consulting and training company, utilizing Bryan’s clinical and management expertise to develop managers and teams in a corporate environment. As a licensed therapist with strong understanding of developing human potential, he is dedicated to the development of Human Capital to meet the needs of leaders, managers, and employees in the 21st Century workplace.
Bryan has an Executive MBA from Kennesaw State University, Coles School of Business, and both a Master’s and Bachelor’s degree in Psychology.
