Counseling for Stress Management

  Biologists classify stress as anything that requires a change on the part of an organism. That means being alive means being under stress. The World Health Organization defines stress “as a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation.” For most of us today, life feels like an avalanche of changes that keep us running at full speed just to stay upright. 

Flood of Information

The 21st Century has gifted us with more access to information than any group in history. The level of the flow is stressful enough. We are bombarded with demands on our attention. That attention is limited resource. Using up your attention leaves you mentally and physically exhausted. Unfortunately, the modern tendency when that point is reached is to turn to an electronic device. 

The constant checking of social media adds to your stress. Interruption of your focus and a need to respond to every ding and ping decreases your concentration and your attention. Instead of recharging your brian, mindless scrolling of social media is numbing. Worse, much like a drug (or potato chips), it can be addicting. You can literally become anxious when you have free time and do not have access to your phone.

Doomscrolling is the darker version of this. Endlessly scrolling through news stories and social media posts, being unable to stop. You need to sleep, but instead you are reading that next story of disaster, that next video of a tragedy. Our brains are programmed to look for threats. Your phone gives you access to threats from around the world.

Speaking of threats, can you believe what that politician said?  If that party gets power, we can kiss all of our freedom goodbye. Just look at the news every day. No matter what part of the political road you travel, there is an outlet for you that wants to keep you wound up and scared. Stay tuned in to learn more! Those of us of a certain age remember the dire warnings about products the news promised to tell us all about if we watched the “News at 11:00!”. At 11:25, after sports and weather, the non-story got told that, in fact, we had nothing to worry about. That is the news today. It is easy to find it. 

Work Stress

Work is a huge part of life. It is vital for survival. Most of us do not have a dream job that is both fulfilling and rewarding. And even people who are fulfilled at work would usually like to work less. At 40 hours a week, it is over a third of your waking time (provided you are getting enough sleep). A well loved job can still present an issue, as it takes up more and more time. Work-life balance heavily tilted towards work, even short term, creates stress that can impact other relationships. 

For anyone like me who has lost their jobs involuntarily, the fear of losing the current job lingers. This can lead to stress of worry and anxiety about the future. Is your job safe? Can you depend on the income? What will happen if I am let go? Once I waited 12 months to put up my personal pictures because of my last layoff. I got them up and was laid off again a month later. 

Your job might just be awful. Each day is a drag and you cannot wait for it to be over. You have to work to eat and keep a roof over your head. You feel trapped in this current job without options. Just getting ready to go in each day puts your mind and body on alert. 

Daily Hassles AKA “The Trudge through the Sludge”

A lot of stress is about the ordinary challenges we face each day. These are things like your job, keeping up the house, taking care of the kids, busy schedules, transportation, rising costs, and the many other things, big and small that just do not stop coming at you. I am sure you could generously add to this list. One of my clients referred to this as “The Trudge through the Sludge”. In fact, I encountered this very thing in writing this article: I was stopped mid-paragraph because life got in the way, and it took me a week to get back to writing. Various major life events, like a death, losing a job, marriage, starting school, or many others, can add to the overall level of stress. Often, many of these things are outside your control. It may even seem everything is out of your control. Like the extra energy needed to walk through mud, these stressors threaten to overwhelm you one step at a time. 

Poor Habits of Self-Care 

Often you can make stress worse with poor self-care. It is easy to let stress get in the way of good self-care. Indeed, often the first thing you jettison under stress is the very things that help you manage it. You let your To-Do List rule your life. Exercise becomes an activity when you have time, and you do not have time. You stay up late in order to have time for yourself and have a moment of peace, robbing your body and mind of its much-needed recovery. Caffeine and food become ways to replace your lost energy. Important relationships with your friends and your spouse get too little of your attention. So many parents drift away from sexual intimacy because it is item #21 on a priority list that seldom makes it past item #6. 

Consequences 

The consequences of unmanaged stress are well known. The number one issues are disruption of sleep, followed by changes in weight. Ongoing stress can lead to exacerbation of physical issues, including flare-ups of asthma, arthritis, eczema, and psoriasis. Digestive issues with heartburn, ulcers, upset stomach are also common. Long term, we know stress can lead to higher blood pressure, hardening of your arteries, and even contribute to heart attacks or strokes. 

It is not just physical symptoms. Chronic stress that goes unmanaged can also lead to things like Anger, Depression, and Anxiety. It disrupts your connections with others leading to strained or damaged relationships, decreasing emotional and sexual intimacy. 

How do we fix this? 

While we cannot always control all the stress that comes our way, we can work on ways to decrease what we can control while managing what we cannot. We will work on new skills and strategies to manage your day to day coping of your “trudge through the sludge”. We will explore your individual past and how you became who you are. You have built coping skills to give you a sense of power, a sense of place, and a sense of value. I will help you understand how these skills have worked for you in the past to get you to today. We will examine how they are not working as well for you today. With understanding you can choose what you want to do differently in your future. 

We will work on your habits to move from mindless reaction to mindful action. While you cannot control world events, you can control how you consume information. You have control over your own schedule and we will develop ways for you to take that control and schedule the times you need to promote your self care. We will explore your relationships with the things that bring your stress, such as work and yes, even family. 

None of this is going to be easy. I can promise you will be uncomfortable at times as you change your old ways of doing things. Building new habits takes work, like pumping water uphill instead of letting take the old pathways. You can expect a time of feeling uncertain and even disoriented. You do not have to do this alone. I will be with you to keep you safe and remind you of your progress. As your therapist, I am there as a guide. I am not part of your family. I am not a friend. I stand outside your day to day life. You will have the opportunity to be open, vulnerable, and scared with me in a place with no moral condemnation, no castigation of weakness, and no judgment for anxiety. I understand where you are because as a fellow human being, I have to do this, too.

What does “better” look like?

You will be able to more clearly identify those things which are in your control and those things which are not. We will explore the best ways to direct your attention and focus so that you have energy to do the things you want to do, instead of spending it on things you do not really have to do. We will develop strategies for taking on those daunting tasks. You will have more energy to say “yes” to opportunities and “no” to responsibilities that are not yours. Knowing which is which will be easier. 

We will focus on ways that work for your personal self-care and integrate them into your daily routine. This will include taking the time you need, not only for yourself, but being able to take that time for your most important relationships. We will find ways to understand and express your needs for change and communicate them with your loved ones so they can support you.

Most critically, you will be able to practice grace towards yourself when you slip back into the old ways of thinking and feeling. Stress is always there. You will learn to build your peace today, and if you lose it, you can get it back again. I hope you will allow me to journey with you along your path with this one.